Drama That Changes Things

At the beginning of this blog, I shared about drama that had stopped my life for an evening, and of course it was the evening prior to the beginning of my latest adventure in training. Today, the drama has pretty much subsided.... but the memory is still there.

A week ago.... someone I call friend, who I had grown to love as a brother, told me he wasn't interested in me or my life. Wow. That was something that really knocked me off balance..... and this past week, I have been learning to deal with the loss of this friend.... which unto itself has been challenging. He and I chatted almost every day.... and for the most part more than once a day in various forms of media... from texting to messaging to facebooking to phoning to lettering to emailing.... and now, I am supposed to have found some magic off-switch to turn off my emotion because.... he no longer cares about me?

I never understood that about guys. I get the necessity to remove stuff from one's life from time to time.... there are people that have shown me their true colors and I no longer associate with them.... I just don't understand this. And maybe I never will...... I stood by him through so many challenges that came up in his life, with no expectations... but because I care about him.

And now, I needed to do something constructive with the emotion and energy that I have currently no where to dispense. I needed to do something constructive. I needed to use this energy for something good. (And yes, I am grateful that I have been training..... otherwise, I might go mad! with the silence.... but instead, I have time to swing a kettlebell, run, swim or bike... and use up some energy and focus on me, and not what I am missing).

As a result, I have more focus..... I still feel lost, but I am pretty certain what direction I will be going professionally and personally.

I am going to use the rest of this year to learn more about training and nutrition and racing and applications..... I am working on 2011's racing and education schedule. I am hoping to create some amazing opportunities for myself.... and I am being drawn toward the cape, but am torn, as I am developing relationships in the Princeton area. I trust that the right doors will open up, as I continue to pursue my goals. (visit www.msjathletics.com for more insights of my professional development/projects).

And while, I continue to move forward.... I will never forget my friend.

Ben, I love you and will miss you.