A week ago.... someone I call friend, who I had grown to love as a brother, told me he wasn't interested in me or my life. Wow. That was something that really knocked me off balance..... and this past week, I have been learning to deal with the loss of this friend.... which unto itself has been challenging. He and I chatted almost every day.... and for the most part more than once a day in various forms of media... from texting to messaging to facebooking to phoning to lettering to emailing.... and now, I am supposed to have found some magic off-switch to turn off my emotion because.... he no longer cares about me?
I never understood that about guys. I get the necessity to remove stuff from one's life from time to time.... there are people that have shown me their true colors and I no longer associate with them.... I just don't understand this. And maybe I never will...... I stood by him through so many challenges that came up in his life, with no expectations... but because I care about him.
And now, I needed to do something constructive with the emotion and energy that I have currently no where to dispense. I needed to do something constructive. I needed to use this energy for something good. (And yes, I am grateful that I have been training..... otherwise, I might go mad! with the silence.... but instead, I have time to swing a kettlebell, run, swim or bike... and use up some energy and focus on me, and not what I am missing).
As a result, I have more focus..... I still feel lost, but I am pretty certain what direction I will be going professionally and personally.
I am going to use the rest of this year to learn more about training and nutrition and racing and applications..... I am working on 2011's racing and education schedule. I am hoping to create some amazing opportunities for myself.... and I am being drawn toward the cape, but am torn, as I am developing relationships in the Princeton area. I trust that the right doors will open up, as I continue to pursue my goals. (visit www.msjathletics.com for more insights of my professional development/projects).
And while, I continue to move forward.... I will never forget my friend.
Ben, I love you and will miss you.
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