Conquering Fears......

Tomorrow, I leave for Milwaukee.....

Sunday, I take on my first road race since I bounced across the hood of the SUV that knocked me off my bike, the one that convinced the police she stopped in time and I fell as a result of being startled.....

Sunday, I defeat that ghost.

Sunday, I show the world.... that I can still fight, that I can still train hard and that I can still be the best athlete I can possibly be.... yes, I am a long way from the athletic ability that I once was... I am carrying more body fat (blech), I am not as fast as I was, and I still get tired and ichy feeling when training is too much......

But none of that matters!

ON SUNDAY, I take it all on...... and regardless of the outcome, because I have the courage to step up to the starting line, I am victorious.

Some of you have verbalized (out loud and to my face) that I train too much, I play to hard or you don't get it. YOU DON'T HAVE TO!!!!

I TRAIN BECAUSE I CAN! I TRAIN BECAUSE I LOVE IT! I TRAIN BECAUSE........ and I am glad that I still have the ability to put one foot in front of the other and compete.

I am proud of myself for the journey I have taken to get back to competing.... and I am looking forward to continuing to compete.... The journey has just begun!!!! And I have succeeded.

Sometimes.....

....it just feels right.

This mornings run... well, the warm-up. WHAT A STRUGGLE. I felt like I had forgotten how to run.... and then, I hit a certain spot in my warm-up and bang!! I was moving.... the rhythm was there. And I felt good.

Breathing on the other hand was another issue.

But here I am several days out from the marathon, and I should be feeling something.... and I feel tired. Tired from the hormones in my body right now, tired from the little bit of work I have done.... and just struggling to find a rhythm with my running.

The good news: my weight has not fluctuated. I went up 2# and returned back 2# .... and today, the weight stayed the same. I could look at it as bad news... but since I am in the midst of monthly hormonal and body changes, I am glad there is no fluctuations. I am also surprised there are no cravings. I had a taste of red velvet cake icing (the cake doesn't taste good to me anymore) and the icing was ok. (It is interesting the differences in cravings since eating Paleo).

I am looking forward to a new program after the marathon.

I want to build a solid foundation of running and swimming and rowing.... and biking when it is nice to go out on the trails this fall and winter. (I hate indoor cycling-- even on the trainer-- and since I teach several spin classes a week, I am getting my cycling in). I also think I might do some water running and create some variety there. My body weight training will become a focus as well..... as I move forward to lose the remaining weight, keep my challenges for myself and my students AND lay the foundation for an awesome running and triathlon season for 2011!

Until then..... i found my rhythm today. Sunday, I hope it returns.

Bad Dreams....

I woke at 4.30 am from a bad dream about my pending marathon.

I wasn't in the right city at the right race, and my shoes kept getting bigger as I ran.......

fortunately, it was just a dream.

Although, I am not feeling ready by any stretch of the imagination for this race.

Paleo -- Day Ten

I have completed ten days on the Paleo Diet. After some noise from others, regarding my choices, I was like.... whatever. And I have managed to complete ten days.

I weighed in yesterday, and found I gained 2 pounds. I wasn't truly annoyed, as I am pre-menstrual and normally, I would gain 5 or more pounds of water weight. Additionally, I have little to no symptoms. Hmmmmm....... I am tired today... it is probably a combination of exhaustion from thursdays and hormones. AND my normal cravings are practically non-existent. In fact, I am craving a good piece of fish and some broccoli.... much different than the junk, and sugars and salts I am normally craving.....

I have also noticed that I can smell salt and I can smell sugar. A guy opened a bag of potato chips on the train the other day, and the salt was overwhelming. Interesting?

I will report in on this in ten days. I am resting today.... Thursdays kick my butt.

A Sunday Ride

Sunday, yesterday, I found myself voyaging south on the canal to work with a client. And so, I seized the opportunity to bike to and fro her house.

A gorgeous day greeted me. Was a bit concerned as I was somewhat awake until 3am. Not my ideal, but I was able to get enough sleep before I went out. I ate a solid breakfast comprised of two scrambled eggs, some olives and pineapple.

And I prepared my water, my bars, my fuel for the ride so to speak..... AND off I went to ride 30miles one-way.

The canal was full of people, so my choice to ride at a moderate tempo was wise. (Wish people knew how to share). And the ride went smoothly.

I drank all the water in my camelback reservoir and refilled at Dunkin Donuts before finishing the last of the trip to my clients home. I also drank water in DD and had one of my 'energy' bars.

The return trip was easy until I hit the 45-50 mile mark in my journey. That is when I got tired. I stopped and ate another bar, drank some of my amino vital, and enjoyed sitting on a bench. My abs were tired and I was struggling with them not cramping. My legs struggled, not with pedaling, but with strength getting on and off the bike.

I got to the point where I am less than 2miles from home, and there is a big spill-way on the canal, that dips like a 'stunt-hill.' I always walk that and I struggled with my quad strength walking down and then back up the hill. And I got back on the bike for the remainder of the trip home.

ONCE home, I showered and ate and watched a CSI episode to unwind and felt myself fighting with sleep. When I decided to go to sleep, I found my Right Vastus Medialis (inner quad) had cramped... and ow, ow, ow.... pain like I cannot describe. To circumvent, I licked the 'shots' worth of salt and drank some water. And eventually the cramp subsided.

I am glad Mondays are a scheduled rest day. My body needs to recover. I feel a little 'achy' from the distance, but I don't feel like I cannot move. The struggle to finish was a good one, and I am glad I accomplished this. I do know I need a new mountain bike though.

Saturday Night Run

WELL, late afternoon actually..... to escape the religion on tv that permeates this house on Saturdays..... and the humdrum and monotony of waiting for someone to turn off the TV so others can exist in the house.....

And so, off I went. The goal to run the 7-mile loop.... well, i finished the 7-mile loop, but not exactly running. And I have a marathon in two weeks.... well, I am just going to go do what I can, and take it as it is.... this summer was impossible and challenging beyond belief with training.

In the midst of this run, I felt distracted. Personal life creeping in....

Much going on.... and much to think about.....

And I was simply reminded to breathe.

Thursdays Kick My Butt....

Literally.

I get home and I am ready to sleep by 8pm. And well, I don't have to stay up to 'please' anyone... if I am tired, I do the smart thing and go to sleep.

Part of this could be because I am back in the school term and haven't grasped my schedule yet. Part of it could be the combination of training and work throughout the week. Part of it could be the eating drama on Thursdays. I have two classes back-to-back, and ten minutes to prepare for the next class and eat. The second class is a spinning class, so I cannot eat too much. I ate some fruit and had some protein in a bottle.

But when I finally do get home, I am spent. The day is done. And I find myself falling asleep.